the powerplay starts now!

hello, reeds.

i'm sick. i know: booo to the max.

but there is one good thing that comes out of this: out of sheer boredom, i have created a comic using free clipart i found on the internet!

i know what you're thinking: "hey, doesn't ryan north of dinosaur comics do that, and probably better?"

answer? yes. to both, i'm guessing.

but, as i'm sick, i've got nothing else to do but be unoriginal and lie around all day. so, without further ado, i present to you the first installment of a comic named after calling adam-reed on the phone and asking him the first hockey-term that came to his head!

PowerPlay!
by mike_________*__

now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

i break the ice, clay breaks the mold

what? he's posting again? i thought he quit!"

"what the hell is going on?!?"

well, i'll get right down to it, my abandoned & scared reeds: i loved doing this blog, but it became overwhelming to do everyday. one reason, amongst several, was (and is) my schedule.

today i read matt's touching blog post. matt's an excellent writer, and reading the post made me want to start writing again. as many of you know, this blog is just one of the many things i write. lately, i had been only dabbling in my writing, and longing to bring this blog back; but between a lack of inspiration and a feeling that i had "lost the blog," i never attempted to.

today, for no good reason, i decided to come back. so, thank you, matt, for giving me a kick in the ass without even knowing you did.

so what's the solution?

how about we do this: i'll keep doing this blog; but it's going to have to be sporadically updated from now on, rather than daily. i think that will work best for all of us. it allows more time for my influential writings to seep in, and gives all you reeds some free time to persue other interests--such as starting an unofficial fan club, or making crudely drawn representations of me on paint
now, with that out of the way, welcome to this long, long overdue, february 2nd post of tiny damaged notions!

yesterday, while driving home from class at 7pm (fun!), i noticed a license plate frame that read--are you ready?-- "i'd rather be at a clay aiken concert."

yep. no joke.

while searching the internet via google, i was unable to come up with a picture of this brilliant plate cover; but i did notice that many other bloggers, as well as clay aiken fan sites, have spotted these beauties.

so, i'm going to have to ask you guys to just use your imagination.

now, my first thought was, "really? clay aiken?" which was shortly followed by "what is he even doing now?" this is why today, i decided to consult our old friend with wishy-washy reliability, wikipedia, to learn more about this license-plate-frame worthy performer
clayton holmes grissom apparently enjoys being a sagittarius, laughing in oversized lawn chairs, and his label: RCA records.

and who can blame him? RCA records signed such greats as my morning jacket, which wikipedia describes as "an american rock band of hippies known for their reverb-heavy sound."

hippies with reverb? how can you go wrong?

the short answer is, "you can't." the long answer is, "you can't, JERK!"

easily, the most interesting part of mr. aiken/holmes grissom's wikipedia page is the section titled "controversies & media focus." on this current computer, i'm running a screen-resolution of 1280x1024, and you've still gotta scroll down a bit to see all of this chapter.

scandalous!

according to a july 2003 interview with rolling stone, who are currently sending me free issues, aiken discussed accidentally running over a cat:

There's nothing worse to me than a house cat. When I was about sixteen, I had a kitten and ran over it. Seeing that cat die, I actually think that its spirit has haunted me. I wasn't afraid of cats before. But now they scare me to death.
(wikipedia.com, "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clay_aiken#Controversies_.26_Media_Focus")

kittens, known for centuries for their vengeful tactics in the afterlife, aren't the only things that bug the clayman--gnats aren't on his good side either.

in an interview with fly magazine, aiken decided to play to the magazine's key demographic of entomologists when responding to an inquiry about his appearance in tabloids, and constant speculations regarding his sexual orientation:

There are times that I look on the internet or read a message board and they’ll know things about me that I didn’t know. [laughs] "I never told anybody that! How did they find out?" So at first it’s a shock. And then later on it’s not as shocking but still upsetting. And then after a while, it’s just like having a gnat in your nose. You just want to kill it. [laughs] It becomes unfortunately a negative part of what you do, and you need to kind of live with it. But if you could get up your nose and kill it, you would do it. [laughs] It’s not so easy sometimes.
(flymagazine.net, "http://www.flymagazine.net/archive_bands_article.cfm?id=e6d73996")

for years, gnatnoseologists around the world have been working on the "gnat in your nose" epidemic sweeping the globe.

while many people suggest blowing ones nose would remove the gnat, nose purists, such as aiken, refuse said treatment--immediately eliminating picking as an abrasive and undesired procedure.

so, what can us claymates* do?

buy license-plate-covers to support mr. aiken. i hear the proceeds go to the NFRNG (national foundation for the removal of nose-gnats).

use this information wisely, reeds. it's long overdue, and many of you may not care anymore, but i still love you all with the EXACT SAME love that a mother has for her newborn child.

so don't go ruin it by keeping me up all night crying!
(ambiguous! who's crying, you or me?)

this has been TDN. thanks for stopping by.

*claymates is a registered trademark of clay aiken. all rights reserved.
i'm not kidding, either. type in "claymate" on the united states patent and trademark office's website and see for yourself