a special reed named kristen showed me this interesting article yesterday:
i know what you're thinking: that's not an article--those look like fuzzy testicles in a plastic cup.erotic as that may sound, i'm afraid you're wrong in the tastiest way possible:
finally someone took the initiative to deep fry coca-cola, put more coca-cola on top, and top that with whipped cream, cinnamon sugar, and a cherry. it's america x 10 + a big cup of kick-ass.unfortunately, in this case that equation will end with "= vomiting."
the cherry on top almost makes it sound innocent, as if it were 1954 and i were getting my date one of these at the malt shop.
"yeah, and bring us an order of 'balls of gross,' please. with two cherries on top."
they should have just dipped more coca-cola in a deep fryer, and poured grenadine on it. maybe that's why they're premiering it in fairs--so some genius can give the unhealthy bastards who made this item that lovely tip before they mass produce it.
also, check the bottom of that article: you can rate the picture. out of 653 votes, it came up average. this means that the general consensus of yahoo! viewers find deep fried balls of coca-cola a pretty normal thing.
i know there are at least two reeds out there who are aspiring dietitians, so give me your opinion via comment!
that latest ramble may have been at least partially induced by my current drowsy state. going to bed late and waking up early is all a part of "college life" i'm afraid--even though i don't dorm, nor did my current lack-of-sleep have anything to do with academia. however, i'd still like to blame it if possible.
a study done by the naughtily titled daily gamecock,
whose logo of a red flaming bird dry-humping a capital "G" in no way dilutes the credentials of the publication, unearthed this little factoid:Out of the 24 hours in the day, most college students report they only spend six sleeping...Although poor sleep habits are normal among college students, many fear this will be detrimental in the future. Doctors say these habits can lead to depression, poor performance in school, stress or insomnia. College students, on the other hand, say poor sleep habits are just another part of college life.
(the daily gamecock, "http://www.dailygamecock.com/home/index.cfm?event=displayArticle&ustory_id=1f0ef1db-404b-4f28-bd14-e7ed9fb081e1")
depression, poor performance, stress, and insomnia? pssshhhh. nothing defines "college life" quite as well as hating yourself for failing your classes after you stayed up all night studying for them. those doctors wouldn't know what college was if it personally bought them all hemp necklaces, dave matthews tickets, and a couple kegs of beer.
college did that for me, and that's why i hate college.
"when 'crash' came on, i was on like my eighth corona so i didn't even realize bret stole my visor and threw it in the middle of the quad!"
that's all for this time, reeds. remember to deep-fry your sleepless sorrow to make it yumtastic!
3 comments:
dear mike________*__:
i have very few complaints about the coke balls other than the fact that i haven't heard a single word about the possible release of fried pepsi balls! i believe and choose to dream about how these carbonated testicles would come with a far sweeter surprise--yes, pun intended with every inch of my soul.
anyway, what i really wanted to talk about was the fact that you refer to us as "reeds." honestly, that nickname embodies every thought, emotion, and bowel movement i've had since the origin of TDN. it's true! each day, i compare my waiting in front of the computer screen to the life of a river reed, swaying in the autumn wind and waiting for your pleasant words to trickle by me in a stream of giggles and goodness. even more, i for one am only reading this until someone picks me out, straps me to some sort of mouthpiece, and blows me until i make music.
your ever-so-reed,
matt
what i have to say about coke balls is.... are we really that surprised? have you seen:
""Baseball's Best Burger," as the Grizzlies call it, will consist of a hamburger topped with cheddar cheese and two slices of bacon — all between a "bun" made of a sliced Krispy Kreme Original Glazed donut.
The burger is not for the faint of heart — literally — and will contain roughly 1,000 calories and 45 grams of fat. "
are people actually wondering why america is the way it is?
mike, you have a mission: go out for a baseball's best and some coke balls and let me know if these are actually tasty or if these people are just trying to make foods that should only be eaten by starving children in africa for shock value.
i'd realllly like to know.
on another note, i have been adding to this post for afew hours. i started it at 3... then called some people about a job.. watched some simpsons, took a nap.. added something.. went to a meeting and now im finishing it up at 10 pm.
haha, soooooo i hope you enjoyed my rant! keep on letting me enjoy yours~
sarah
to mike,
you should probably put out a caution to all of your loyal reeds. let them know that a library is no place to enjoy tiny damaged notions. unfortunately (and very sadly), i have made this mistake and have humilated myself about 3 times since i sat down 20 minutes ago. and although this is yet another wonderful way to postpone your day's workload, (in my case an 8-10 page paper due in the morning that i have yet to start) it is just a bad idea.
"the library is no place for laughter." -says the faces of fellow new paltz students
keep writing and ill keep embarassing myself with random spurts of laughter.
-laura
Post a Comment