my dress can hold its weight in trans-fat!

good morning, reeds! today is wednesday, december 6th, and welcome to your 40th installment of tiny damaged notions!

wow, 40 posts. with the amount of time each post takes, that's gotta be well over 3 straight days of me typing these out if you add it up.

who's the bigger loser: me for putting these out, or you for reading them?!?

let's see. 3-5 minutes to read, 2-3 hours to create.

yeah, that'd be me.

so, our straight-laced friends at the independent
recently made a fascinating report.

yesterday, the only true audrey hepburn fan paid an understandable £467,200 ($917,238.70) for the actress' breakfast at tiffany's dress. so all you posers should commence throwing out your DVDs, quiting the fan club, and start being ashamed of yourselves.

you are not true fans.

don't know what the dress looks like? well, you should be even more ashamed of yourself than you previously were--if that's at all possible.
there, that's the dress that's clearly worth nearly 1 million dollars.

and who is the only true fan of audrey hepburn?

the eye-watering sum paid by an anonymous fan at auction [sic] yesterday for the very dress responsible for establishing the "Hepburn look".
(the independent, "http://news.independent.co.uk/uk/this_britain/article2042967.ece")

first things first: "at [an] auction" is missing a word, i know; and the period outside of the quotation marks is only acceptable because the article was written in the UK, where that is the proper way to deal with the two punctuation marks--unlike in the US where commas and periods go inside of quotation marks.

with that out of the way, we can get to the reason why i borrowed that snippet from the independent, the fan is "an anonymous fan."

now, why would the one true audrey hepburn fan--the one willing to pay $917,238.70 for her dress--keep him or herself anonymous? why not shout to the world "LOOK, WORLD! I'VE GOT AUDREY HEPBURN'S DRESS FROM 'BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S'! EAT IT!!!"?

maybe the final resting place for this dress will be in the closet of, or in the wardrobe of, a perverted man who needs to constantly smell the dress, wear the dress, and notify himself that he is pretty. maybe he'll even re-enact scenes from the movie. i hope he does my favorite dialogue:

Holly Golightly: Thursday! It can't be! It's too gruesome!
Paul Varjak: What's so gruesome about Thursday?
Holly Golightly: Nothing, except I can never remember when it's coming up.

oh, the delight which builds inside of me every time i hear those lines. it's like an orgasm of whimsy!

and it's especially poignant today, as tomorrow is thursday. so all you fans should send an e-mail to "webmaster[at]audreyhepburn[dot]com" every wednesday morning as a reminder. i've been doing that for years, and even though they've banned my e-mail address from contacting them, i feel better inside knowing i've tried my best to keep breakfast at tiffany's alive in everyone's hearts.

and inbox.

in non audrey hepburn related news (which i call "unimportant news") read this headline from theage.com.au:
now, at first i, like many of you, had no idea what the hell they were talking about.

then i thought: oh no, they can't be planning on getting rid of beelzetub! the lower-east side's most evil oil drum!
pictured here making various evil plans in the sunlight.

but then, i finally read the article, and it's just about how new york city will begin to use a substitute for artificial partially hydrogenated oils--which contain trans fat--starting in july 2007.

yeah, apparently it's the first city in the US to impose a ban on oils containing trans fat. there you go again, NYC, always being the innovator which everyone copies.

so all you new york city residents better pack in all the pizza and restaurant visits now if you want to keep killing yourself with these so-called "evil oils"!

but rest assured, beelzetub will be alright.

ok, reeds, that's all i've got today. you go out and have a terrific wednesday. go on, blow a million dollars on a dress, drink some artificial partially hydrogenated oils straight from the bottle--live it up a little!

i'll be back tomorrow. for now, this is your TDN host saying: goodbye, goodluck, and thursday?! fohgettaboutit!