woot-offs, prison, this post's got it all!

huh? what? oh, i gotta post?

sorry, reeds. i'm a little discombobulated since there's a woot-off!!

you don't know what a woot-off is?

well, the wonderful site woot.com usually only sells one item a day. that's right, it sells just one item until the stock of that item runs out, or until 1am EST, then another item goes up.

example: woot.com may sell a specific GPS system, and they may have 1,200 GPS systems available to sell. so, once all 1,200 units of the one specific GPS system sell, the item is deemed "sold out!" and anxious woot-a-holics wait until the next "woot" goes up. even if 1am EST rolls around and they never sold all 1,200 units, they'll still put up a new woot.

"ok, so what's a woot-off?"

a woot-off is when woot.com sells all available units of a specific item until the units run out; but once they run out, instead of waiting until 1am EST to put another one up, they put up another item immediately!

so since the prices are often super-cheap, and the next item is a mystery, people like myself and adam-reed sit at the edge of our computer chairs and await the next woot.

plus, you never know how long the woot-off will last. and you don't want to miss a bag of crap!

"what's that?!?"

too much to explain. go here to find out everything there is to know about the glorious bag of crap.

ok, so it's thursday, december 7th, and it's time for your favorite part of the day: the brand new tiny damaged notions!

all this talk of wooting just put me in the mood for the holidays. giving and receiving gifts is the best part of december. way better than the bitter cold.

remember that feeling of happiness you'd get when you imagined what presents your parents may have gotten you? i know i got to stare at them wrapped underneath the christmas tree. i'd examine the shape, determine the possibilities, and want, so badly to open them.

but, call me lame, i always waited until christmas morning. it always made it all the better. "sneaking a peek" was never as desired, since i'd have to wait to receive the gift anyway. i just enjoyed not knowing for certain until i could use it.

of course, my strong willpower is why i applauded the mother in this article:

A 12-year-old boy in Rock Hill, South Carolina, just couldn't wait for Santa to deliver presents this year. According to the local paper, the child unwrapped and opened a present containing a new Game Boy Advance this past weekend--fully three weeks before Christmas. When the young boy's mother found out, she called the police and told them to arrest her son. The boy at first denied all knowledge of the missing portable but later returned it to his mother after she threatened to call authorities. The mother then called the police anyway, and when they arrived at her home, the boy was arrested and taken to the local police station.
(gamespot.com, "http://www.gamespot.com/news/6162775.html")

that's right. a mother had her son arrested for opening a present three weeks before christmas.

and honestly, reeds, who among us can really argue that this was not the best thing to do? fluffius maximus himself gave his own son a life sentence for just looking at a brush. this, in comparison, seems light!

apparently the kid was charged with petty larceny. i guess they can't detain you for "ruining christmas" anymore like they used to be able to. thanks a lot, democrats!

and the mom isn't backing down. she, like fluffius maximus, knows the actions taken were the right choices.

The mother defended her actions, telling the paper she had her son arrested because she was trying to help her son, who she said has a history of behavioral problems, including a previous arrest for disorderly conduct.
(gamespot.com, "http://www.gamespot.com/news/6162775.html")

see? so he needed to be arrested. why bother parenting when the police can take care of that for you?

done deal.

adam-reed, my fellow woot-off watcher, just said this to me:

i hope tdn reflects the misery that the wootoff brings upon the geek population

misery?

i hadn't thought about that, but it's true--there is a dark side to woot-offs. a side that beelzetub himself may have his oily hand in:
now that's a great picture of beelzetub if i ever saw one.

i'm going to let adam-reed explain the dark side of a woot-off:

let's see. first there is the curiosity and wonder of the products put on the page. It's all harmless until a few hours into the woot-off when a "woot-off killer" appears. You check out the forums at this point to see if you can find some entertainment but all you find is people crying about how the product will never sell.

Then begins the frustration and you find yourself hitting f5 like a maniac hoping that the inventory left bar has decreased by a pixel. The frustration soon completely takes over and you start considering buying the useless product just to get past the "woot off killer." Soon after that stage you consider buying 3 because you feel that there is no way in hell they well sell out.

Once the "woot-off killer" is sold out, you rejoice (unless you bought three, then you feel used) and you watch the woots go by and hide yourself from the rest of the world so they don't disrupt your woot-off groove. Soon you will realize it's 6am and you haven't eaten, slept, showered, gotten up to use the bathroom, or done any necessary life sustaining activities; and you think about how the woot-off really hurts and how you can't break away.

Then comes the shocker as you remember that woot-offs often last 48 hours or so. Your will to live starts to diminish, all you want at this point is a Bag of Crap (BoC) and you'd be able to go to sleep.

Once the bag of crap comes is the worst though. Your heartbeat escalates, you feel the pressure and the NEED to get the BoC. You get terribly nervous when you can't get the page to load--and it gets even worse if you ever get to the checkout screen, because you're so close.

After a few hundred server time-outs thrown at you, there is no choice but to either give up or hammer the server even harder. Load up 20 browser windows (or tabs if you're a total OCD freak) and start hammering the server to death but to no avail. Eventually the next product shows up and you feel utterly destroyed.

At this point you start contemplating the relationship you have with Woot and especially the Woot-off. you want to end it because all it does is disappoint you and take your money by selling you things you would normally not even think about buying. About this time you've been up for 30 or so hours and you just want either the woot-off or your life to end (preferably life because you didn't get the BoC). For the last hours of the woot-off you just hate yourself for not being able to get a BoC and this self-loathing will stay with you for weeks.

So if you're going to join in the woot-off, don't kill yourself, and buy 3 of these roombas because they're killing the woot-off and they're amazing!!!!!!!

and there you have it, reeds. the dark side of wooting. it's like drugs: tasty to the user, but deadly to--well, i guess the user still.

i'm off. you be careful with this whole woot-off. woot responsibly, and remember: if you're gonna open your holiday gifts early, cover your tracks.

or else!

have a great thursday everyone. woot!