achoo! + WJB = full orgasm

i am office drone #23890

#23890 has been programmed to many perform tasks while outputting 0% stress.

i have a malfunction.

good evening, reeds. it is friday, november 17th, and as you can infer from my robo-whining, i'm having a stressful day at work!

i guess i can't complain. i worked at a toy store for many years. if i were there right now, things would be exponentially worse.

so, without further delay (and i do apologize for the delay), here's your daily installment of tiny damaged notions!

all you lovely individuals will be happy to know that i got my hands on an advanced copy of "if i did it" by o.j. simpson! take a look:
heyy, wait a minute. that's not his book! that's an advertisement for dingo boots!

sorry, i must have gotten this confused with his book due to the blatant disregard for anything else but commercialism. apologies.

recently, i was asked this question:

i heard, don't know if it's true (you can look it up for your blog actually), that when you sneeze it's like 1/10 of an orgasm. strange, isn't it?

that did sound a big strange. i do find sneezes pleasurable from time to time, so i decided to look it up. thanks to some searching on google.com, i found this response from william m. rich, MD to the orgasm/sneeze question:

The sensation of pleasure, from whatever means, reduced to its essentials probably is an electrochemical reaction in a specific collection of cells in a specific part of the brain.
(William M. Rich, MD, "http://www.madsci.org/posts/archives/apr99/923322909.Me.r.html")

wow, william. that is so

HOT!

i'd say that response alone is worth nine-tenths of an orgasm. and, i'm so glad that it was written too technically for me to learn anything from it. so there's your answer!

now, onward, to our main event: wiki-licious friday!

i would like to start off by thanking everyone who submitted ideas. this week, i got two, and i wanted to write about them both; but alas, i did not acquire enough free time to do so. but no worries laura- and jackie-reed! tomorrow's "learn-a-little saturday," and your idea will be the topic of discussion.

normally, i will try to research all ideas given to me; however, if i get a lot of ideas one particular week, i may wait until the following friday to post it. so don't think i forgot about you!

with that said, we go to today's topic--from record-reed: william jennings bryan.
(all information below: "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_jennings_bryan")

don't know who william jennings bryan even is? shame on you! according to wikipedia he was

an American lawyer, statesman, and politician...a three-time Democratic Party nominee for President of the United States. One of the most popular speakers in American history...a devout Presbyterian, a strong proponent of popular democracy, an outspoken critic of banks and railroads, a leader of the silverite movement in the 1890s, a dominant figure in the Democratic Party, a peace advocate, a prohibitionist, an opponent of Darwinism...one of the most prominent leaders of the Progressive Movement...one of the most energetic campaigners in American history...[had] promoted Free Silver in 1896, anti-imperialism in 1900, and trust-busting in 1908, call[ed] on all Democrats to renounce conservatism, fight the trusts and big banks, and embrace progressive ideas...but is probably best known today for his crusade against Darwinism.

holy crap. that's a whole lot of stuff he got done.

that last part was italicized by me, as i felt would be especially poignant to reiterate why you reeds may have previously heard of this renaissance-man of turn-of-the-century politics.

now, even though bryan had "actively supported state laws banning public schools from teaching evolution," that doesn't mean that we can't learn a lot from bryan.
such as "remember to bring your populist-party pretzel whenever you deep-throat a democratic-donkey."

(p.s. i know that's really a snake)

a man as great as bryan, or ol' WJB as i call him, obviously had many people envious of his glorious regime of awesome he had going on:
this image depicts a well constructed zing conservatives nailed WJB with.

way to go, righties. nothing about that satire was lost over time.

"get it?!? bryan has an eclectic platform, so let's make an animal consisting of parts from different animals on a platform!"

"brilliant! but add a small, evil clown. you know, for closure."

all that would be, of course, spoken through a large, bushy, 1900-style mustache.

so i know what you're asking yourselves: "what more could he possibly report on william jennings bryan? i feel like i know the man personally already!" well, luckily for you, bryan was a part of something called the scopes trial, which also has a very loooooong wikipedia entry of its own.

but i'm a nice guy, so i'll sum it up:
the year is 1925, and two famous lawyers against one another: william jennings bryan (that's our man!) and clarence darrow (go home, darrow!).

this was a trial so famous,
that the state of tennessee decided to hold it outdoors! so everyone can breathe in that nice, country air.

scopes was found guilty! in your face, darrow! our man (circled in seductive red above) gained much publicity from his participation in the scopes trial. the rest, such as the purpose of the trial, is irrelevant. the point is, darrow went home with his tail between his legs, and WJB kept it as real as the natural setting of their outdoor courtroom.

hey look, here he is fanning that damn darrow punk!
what a nice guy. fanning even the enemy!

well, i'm spent. all that researching made me tired.

tired of a life without political action that is!

so i'm off to start various new agencies based on bettering this earth through the policies of william jennings bryan. if my bill gets passed, soon we will all be worshiping him each morning, and every night before bed.

have yourself a wonderful friday, reeds! go bust some trusts for me.