yes, i'm still on costumes. oh, and birthdays.

i almost just spilled water all over my keyboard.

i must be excited to post!

good afternoon, reeds. start screaming and prepare to duck and cover, because tiny damaged notions is about to detonate another a-bomb-installment of good-times!

yesterday was halloween, and i hope you all had your fair share of charleston chews, milky ways, and jolly ranchers. i'm currently looking down at a bag of sour skittles and waiting for the right moment to attack (after-lunch snack-time?).

with all this candy, one may worry about gaining weight. however, our lovely gregorian calendar gives us a whole lotta days before we have to squeeze into our slutty, bondage-kitten costume again.

(wait, that only comes in a woman's?)

the news, which utilized this masquerading opportunity and dressed up like a media form that cares, spent a good portion of the last month tackling the most important issue facing americans:

inappropriate halloween outfits.

the daily collegian's mary kanaskie, who would probably agree that a domestic worker's paycheck should be distributed in the form of a sexy outfit, like such,
wrote an interesting article on the subject:

Local stores are capitalizing on the occasion with racy accessories and provocative costume lines, such as Legg Avenue, which is completely centered on the suggestive.
(the daily collegian, "http://www.collegian.psu.edu/archive/2006/10/10-31-06tdc/10-31-06dnews-02.asp")

groucho-interjection: my favorite part of legg avenue is the intersection! nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

it's true: many halloween costumes do center on the suggestive. take a look at this electrifying outfit:

if my education in literary analysis has taught me anything, it's that this outfit makes one simple assertion: women hold the power.

so listen up, mary: this costume is more than just an educational means of teaching electricians about procreation (and kinky sexual acts such as the "top socket"), it's a reversal of archaic gender roles.

'nuff said.

however, if satirizing a misogynistic society isn't the direction you wanted to head in with your outfit, take a look at the next two examples:

these may be a little too "high-brow" for some of you reeds, so i'll break it down: the penis is the key with which you unlock a woman--via the vagina. and the way bolts and nuts work together is that you have to screw the nut on the bolt. so, guys, if your lover is willing to don a gaping hole as an outfit, you can insinuate to a room full of people that you two are having sex (or "screwing," get the pun?) by having a not-so-subtly phallic giant bolt coming from your crotch.

got it? good.

so, what is my opinion on the overt sexuality of specific halloween costumes? well, since i whole-heartedly promote equal rights between men and women, i say we "sex-up" the guys' costumes too, rather than making the women's outfits less risqué. this way, we'll have a HOTTER america.

instead of discussing other news items, such as john kerry's supposed "botched joke," or CVS buying caremark for about 21.3 billion dollars, i'll end today's post by saying happy birthday to my good friend adam-reed:

happy birthday, adam!

today, he turns 23, which i lovingly refer to as "the year of the jordan":
look at that jordan fly.

enjoy your day of celebration, and your year of being referred to as "dr. jam."

the rest of you reeds have a slam-dunk of an evening. boomshakalaka!