avoid the restroom, get dirty in your seat!

good morning, reeds. it's wednesday, november 15th, and i haven't changed my desktop calendar since october 25th. welcome to today's installment of tiny damaged notions!

i'm not feeling particularly chipper this morning. so what can i do to still fulfill all of your expectations? why, i can complain!

"humorously?"

uhh, yeah. sure. why not?

i'm assuming all of you reeds out there are familiar with urinals. even those of you (and i know there are a few) who prefer stallin'
no, no. not him. i mean those of you who use the stall rather than the urinal. you at least see them on a day-to-day basis. and you lady reeds, i would imagine, know about them too.

so urinals have a pretty simple design: you urinate into a porcelain obstruction hanging off of the wall, then you push down a handle which creates a waterfall of cleansing water to mix with the urine and then it all goes down the drain.

some people decided they didn't want to do this last step, and never pushed down the handle. so some ingenious person created a sensor to place on these urinals, so whenever someone walks away after urinating, the sensor recognizes movement, and flushes. the only drawback is that it flushes at the sign of any movement; so when you walk up to one, it usually gives a flush.

normally, this idea is much preferred, since no one really wants to push down on a handle that oh so many people have touched after touching themselves. the preliminary flush is no big deal most of the time.

however, my lovely university decided they wanted to tweak this functional design, and threw a little SBU wrench into the mechanism. check these official blueprints:
upon walking up to this urinal (which was the furthest from the one the other student was using--an option bathroom-courtesy had me choose), i did indeed get a super-soaker styled shot of urinal water all over my hands and pants.

"awesome. urinal water."

yeah, that's just what i thought. luckily, i love having my hands coated in water from a piss-bucket, so it didn't bother me at all that the sinks were those lovely "push knob" style contraptions:
(excuse my microsoft paint artwork)

you all know this beautifully functioning mechanism, right? it's the one that requires you to constantly hold down the knob with one hand as you watch the soap melt off the other. then the recently cleaned hand can touch the dirty push knob so lefty can take a shower too. this design was made to both preserve water, and prevent awesome people from leaving the sink running and clogging the drain--creating a flood in the bathroom.

i believe my college installed these sinks for irony, since old faithful was more than willing to share his water with me.

"so what? big deal! you got sprayed with water at a urinal. is that really worth making me read all of this crap about you complaining? do something funny!"

alright, alright. onward towards something else:

foxcarolina.com reports that a man is being charged with "overt sexual activity" while aboard a southwest airlines flight from los angeles.

the charges, however, are expected to be dismissed as a misinterpretation on the part of the flight attendant.

The attorney for a California man who's accused of what authorities call "overt sexual activity" on a flight to Raleigh actually was just not feeling well.
(foxcarolina.com, "http://www.fox21.com/Global/story.asp?S=5684386&nav=2KPp")

"i'm not feeling well, honey. i'm feeling NAUGHTY!"

the sexed up sickboy, carl warren persing, rested his head on his girlfriend's lap because he felt a bit drowsy. deb newton, persing's lawyer, said that the gesture was misinterpreted by the flight attendant, who proceeded to humiliate and harass both persing and his hot girly pillow.

here's what i think happened:

carl warren persing probably was feeling a bit under the weather (even though he was flying above the weather! nyuck, nyuck, nyuck) and decided to rest his head on his girlfriend's lap--knowing that a woman's lap is the most comfortable of pillows.

a bit of turbulence, and a rude passenger behind mr. persing, caused his head to move slightly back and forth along his girlfriend's lap.

carl, like most of us, likes to sleep face down.

and, of course, his girlfriend was simply moaning with pleasure due to the excitement of airline travel.

so the flight attendant wasn't just being a very uptight, paranoid, and weird individual in assuming that someone resting their head on another's lap is the equivalent of oral sex, it was just a miscalculation of the given situation.

well reeds, that's where i'll end it for today's post. a side note: my browser froze and forced me to end the process through windows' task manager, which sent me off on an internal rage spree, assuming i had lost today's post.

however, thanks to the brilliance that is firefox 2.0, my post was saved when i continued the session upon restarting firefox.

so today's TDN installment is brought to by the mozilla corporation. everyone throw your internet explorer shortcuts into the recycling bin and go download firefox 2!!

i demand it!

(oh, and thank you to the reeds who posted ideas for wiki-licious friday! keep posting! i'll eventually use all of 'em)