it's another octo-bush metal-monday

i'm garfield. i hate mondays. blah blah blah.

good morning, reeds. it's monday, november 6th, and i'm ready for a new post of tiny damaged notions. the question is: are you? can you handle it?

laura-reed once said this to me:

you should probably put out a caution to all of your loyal reeds. let them know that a library is no place to enjoy tiny damaged notions. unfortunately (and very sadly), i have made this mistake and have humilated myself about 3 times since i sat down 20 minutes ago...keep writing and i'll keep embarassing myself with random spurts of laughter.

while i did appreciate those kind words, i seem to be in a bit of a pickle here. i aspire to be a librarian (no joke), yet the institution of the library is one of the only places that does not promote laughter.

so, all you people better enjoy any laughter you get out of me now. after obtaining an MLS (master of library science) i may be as dry and humorless as this piece of toast:
but currently, luckily for you guys, my sense of humor is as sharp as a saw blade:
bam! my metal man halloween costume (which one is which?). thanks to adam-reed for the picture.

yeah, i have a lot of free time on my hands. so what? you know what i've got in my hands? a metal blade! eat that mega man!

well, anyways. onward towards bettering your life through TDN:

you reeds who have been here since the beginning will know that back in my second post, a whole 10 days ago, i mentioned my distaste for the way yahoo! mail beta forces news down my throat.

well, call me hungry, because today it gave me an extremely informative piece of information which i enjoyed:

"'bible belt' boosts bush, republicans."

now, i'm as happy as the next loser to utilize alliteration whenever possible, so the headline makes me smile a little bit. but is it really that newsworthy that the so-called "bible belt," which refers to the socially conservative south-eastern quadrant of the united states, are promoters of bush and republicanism?

"yeah, chuck. i had no idea that the catholic church was such a big promoter of jesus christ!"
"i was shocked to hear that a main goal of major corporations is to increase company profit!"
"it's astounding the amount reese witherspoon talks about mike from tiny damaged notions!"

(that last one's got a bit more hyperbolizing. it's all in the name of journalism, dammit)

clicking on the delicious headline provided more news-shaped morsels of text:

Retired school teacher Martha Bobbitt thinks President George W. Bush is a good Christian with the right values. If he's gone wrong in Iraq, it won't change her vote.
(yahoo! news, "http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20061106/ts_nm/usa_elections_georgia_dc")

it's good to know some people out there don't let policy get in the way of voting. too many americans let all those actions and agendas cloud over why you really should vote for someone: religious beliefs.

same goes for any area of life. for instance, i quiz my waiter on the bible before i allow him or her to bring me my food. each incorrect answer scores the waiter a dollar less for tip. then, if he or she decreases down to $0, i demand that waiter be fired.

"in the third year of his reign, why did xerxes become very angry with the queen?!?"
"an angel came from the east bearing the seal of god. he placed god's seal on the foreheads of people who were faithful servants of god. how many people received the seal?!?"
"where the hell's my food!"

and so on.

another interesting bit of media came to me from the independent,
who's bird is not humping any part of their logo (hear that daily gamecock?).

apparently, the octopus was recently discovered to be the "genius of the deep"

They can use tools and experience pain and stress. Octopuses are so intelligent they may win special protection in laboratory research - and from the cruelty dished out by some restaurant kitchens
(the independent, "http://news.independent.co.uk/environment/article1956568.ece")

well, there goes my theory that we should eat octopi because they're so stupid. and my whole 30 minute standup bit on "dumb octopus jokes."

damn scientists!

oh well, i guess we can take solace in the fact that by 2048 they may be extinct anyhow, as we learned in yesterday's post. unlike us humans!

"wait, what about all that global warfare and world crisis?"

what are you dumber than an octopus? we'll be fine.

Martha Bobbitt thinks President George W. Bush is a good Christian with the right values. If he's gone wrong in Iraq, it won't change her vote.
(what you just quoted earlier)

quiet, you!

anyways, onto another topic. procrastination is defined as:

to put off till another day or time; defer; delay.
(dictionary.com, "http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=procrastination")

a sample sentence would be "mike is putting off studying to create a new TDN post."

that sentence would also be truthful, as i am currently doing just that.

ughhh, i guess i'll get some studying underway. all you reeds have a wonderful monday. don't listen to garfield, today can be great!

in fact, just don't read any jim davis cartoons. ever.